What was my wedding experience like? My wedding was not what most people consider traditional. My wife is fantastically low-maintenance and she managed to plan and execute the event in less than four months. She chose in-season flowers, a cake that tasted good and the first dress she tried on. Her attention to detail and rapid decision-making allowed us to get a lot done in a short time period.
Your future bride may not approach her special day with the efficiency of a German industrial engineer, but every wedding has a bride, and every groom can benefit from a few small pieces of advice from his peers.
Your bride knows exactly what type of wedding she wants. My friend Mike, who's been happily married for four years, gives this advice, "You have been thinking about this day since well after you met her. She has been thinking about this day since she was 3. Input should be proportional to days thinking about it."
That doesn't mean you have no input—far from it. Your input will be very important in a number of key decisions, like what brand of beer you’ll serve at the reception, where out-of-town guests will stay and where weird Uncle Roy should sit. Just realize that if your special lady has strong feelings about anything—say, lilies rather than carnations, or Pinot Grigio over Chardonnay—it's in your best interest to let her choose.
Early in the planning stages, you'll be left with a decision truly your own: the best man. Try to find that delicate balance of someone who is dependable, fun loving and a genuinely good friend.
The duties of your best man include planning the bachelor party, giving a toast at the wedding, helping with logistics and being Mr. Responsible on your wedding day—so choose someone you can count on to carry out those tasks.
One more note about groomsmen from my cousin Paul, who was married last year: "If you or your groomsmen are renting tuxedos before the wedding, make sure you all try them on when you pick them up to make sure they fit properly. An impromptu performance by your best man on your wedding day of ‘fat man in a little coat' is only funny for about five minutes. Remember, wedding day pictures last a lifetime." Which brings us to our next point.
Your appearance is important. You will never have more pictures taken of you in one day than on your wedding day. If you want to look good for the wedding and still enjoy the myriad engagement parties, celebrations, drinks, congratulatory lunches and a good steak now and then, you'll need to step up your workout regimen.
You'll also want to shell out more than $15 to get a haircut. I know that you, like me, have total confidence in the folks at Supercuts, but it might behoove you, just this once, to track down someone to do your hair who doesn't ask, "What number clippers?"
When the big day comes, compliment your bride every chance you get. Tell her constantly how beautiful she is. She, not you, is the reason that all of this came together. In fact, at most weddings, you're not even the second most important person. Usually the order of importance is: 1) bride, 2) mother of the bride, 3) mother of the groom, 4) grandparent(s), 5) usually a tie between the groom and the flower girl, and trust me, the flower girl is much cuter than you. Your role is to look good and support the whole enterprise.
Do not, under any circumstances, show up to your wedding drunk. If you and your groomsmen are a particularly hard-partying crowd, don't drink anything before the wedding, even the night before the wedding. Don't drink too much during the wedding reception. Remember, it's your wedding night. We may have lost a bit of our innocence as a nation, but your wedding night should still be special. Don't drink so much that you spoil it.
All that being said, a wedding is supposed to be a celebration. It’s supposed to be fun. If the flowers aren't exactly as ordered, or if the band is short a bass player or if, like at my wedding, the priest mixes up your names and tries to marry you off to the matron of honor, don't sweat it. Have a good time and make sure your new wife is having a good time. Five years from now, not too many people will remember what color the place cards were, but they will remember if they enjoyed themselves.
See, that wasn't so hard, she's not even done picking out the napkins. Now you can go back to reading your Sports Illustrated.
Top 5 Guy Do’s and Don’ts
Do
- Look good—shell out for a good haircut and hit the gym.
- Choose a best man who is responsible, trustworthy and a good public speaker.
- Support her decisions when it comes to planning.
- Try on your tux before your wedding day.
- Tell your bride how beautiful she is, as often as possible.
Don't
- Get drunk before, during or after the wedding.
- Act disinterested in the planning or on the big day.
- Choose your best man for his ability to chug a yard of beer in less than a minute.
- Shove cake into your new wife's face.
- Stress out—this is just one day of the rest of your lives together.
